Six years ago, around this time, I was regrouping from a professional setback. I didn’t know it then, but it was an amazing gift.
In our tradition, ministerial candidates meet with a group called the Ministerial Fellowship Committee to determine if they can enter into Preliminary Ministerial Fellowship. You end up submitting hundreds of pages of documentation: statements of competency, evaluations, psychological evaluation, and letters of recommendation. Candidates then preach a 10-minute sermon before a committee of 7 or 8 committed Unitarian Universalists some ministers and then answer questions for 45 minutes. The questions can be wide-ranging - philosophy of religious education, UU History and Theology, pastoral care, to thoughts about how your family of origin affected you, and social justice From colleagues who have done both, they say it’s like defending a dissertation. However, instead of the topic being your research from the last five to six years, the topic is if your ministerial formation is to certain a standard.
The result of that meeting was a decision that I was not yet ready to enter into fellowship, that I had to do some additional work and to come back in a year. I did so, and was welcomed into fellowship in December of 2014, and have now been in full fellowship since November 2018. Many colleagues of mine have also experienced this setback as well. And each one who chooses to engage with the feedback given ends up being stronger and more grounded in their ministry. One of those additional pieces of work was to consider doing a ministerial internship outside of New England, which I didn’t end up doing. I still chuckle about that, since so far my parish ministry career has only taken place outside of New England. But it’s easy to type those sentences and to chuckle about that now. I remember deep pain at the time.
There was a weird feeling at the time. Some friends told me, “the committee wasn’t seeing the whole picture. You are a minister.” People were frustrated with the committee. Now that I have some distance on the whole event, I understand and appreciate where the committee’s feedback was coming. I think they were right, in most cases. There was some amount of privilege that I benefitted from that allowed me to explore the committee’s recommendations to the extent that I did. I grew as a result of listening to their feedback and am grateful for it, even if it was painful now.
I, myself, was a little frustrated that no colleagues or friends had pointed these things out to me. I wonder, how would I have received feedback and suggestions if the recommendations had come from friends? Would I have been able to hear it? I’m guessing I did hear some of it, but I think we also build up an immunity to people giving feedback. We appreciate the positive feedback, and we use it to boost our self-esteem. When we receive critical feedback, we often discount it saying it was wrong and that the feedback giver doesn’t get it, or we go the opposite route - we take it to heart. We ignore the useful feedback we’ve received. We focus on the negative. We go into a shame spiral.
Someone once said that “Feedback is a Gift.” And I agree. But we must expand that metaphor - some gift-givers are excellent at it - they give you something you need, and you had no idea you needed it, or you wanted it, and no one else knew. Other gift givers miss the mark - a sweater you won’t wear, or a necklace that’s too loud. We also receive gifts in different ways, as well. Anonymously given gifts can be unsettling - you don’t know who to thank, you are puzzled by it, etc.
We’re engaging in a bit of feedback collecting this season at UUCL. The transition team has put together a survey that will help us create an authentic picture of UUCL for your Developmental Minister. It will help us examine our congregation in depth. Please be sure to take it here: (link removed). It is based off the standard survey that all Unitarian Universalist congregations searching for a minister use. It is a bit long, so be aware. We only do these surveys about once a decade, so do take comfort in that.
Also, please be sure to mark your calendars for Saturday, October 26th, 10-3 pm. Our Congregational Life Consultant Rev. Phil Lund will be visiting our congregation to continue our conversation on Developmental Ministry and to explore what possible goals for our congregation will be. Your board voted in Spring 2019 to enter into a Developmental Ministry after my contract with you ends on July 2020. Developmental Ministry is a newish program in our denomination that many congregations enter into, who could benefit from focused work in particular areas.